small town blues pt. 1

so, i sometimes imagine this birds-eye view of my life's geography- i can see where i've been so far and my eyes dart across from place to place remembering who i was when i was there. . . . this little me in the south bronx and staten island, then down a little ways to the adolescent me in philadelphia. i shoot over to good old indiana, pa through college (which was awesome, by the way, and rife with papa john's pizza) and then into pittsburgh for a time before heading down to nashville. there were so many other little stops in between for things like job trainings and my visits with jeff in california (awesomely rife with burritos and "buffy the vampire slayer"). i really love seeing my days this way. it doesn't make me feel well-traveled or anything as much as it reminds me that i am a sojourner in this world, and that wherever i go there is something there for me to do and something there for me to take with me.

well. that sounded very enlightened. and i believed it all as i was typing it. for real. but now i sit here in a small town called grove city, pennsylvania. my first week here i heard the word, "nigger" twice and was privy to at least three homophobic "jokes" by the end of the first month. as is my habit when living or visiting a new city, i google (or bing, as it were) the name of the town with the word "gay" in order to get a sense of the lgbt community there. for example, when i moved to nashville, i googled "gay nashville" and was met with a resplendent list of community services, a few bookstores, some lgbt-friendly churches and, even more blissfully, play dance bar and its many queens. thank you, google. and thank you, nashville. and so. my first week in grove city i googled- you guessed it- "gay grove city, pa.". . . . .

i was not aware- but i am now- that there was a grove city college student who was expelled for working in the porn industry to put himself through school. i am aware of this in great detail because my google search resulted in 2 pages of articles on this subject. i also found a therapist specializing in gay stuff, and by "gay stuff" i mean helping people who are "struggling with homosexuality." and it's not like i don't believe that it is a struggle for some people. i struggled for several years with coming to terms with my own sexual identity, but i guess, given the first two pages of articles i saw, i assume this therapist is aiming her clients toward the straight is great path in life. i could be totally wrong. i hope i am.

i also found a link to urbandictionary.com in my search and this was what sealed the deal for me being officially freaked out. . . . apparently, the town of grove city, pa has made a name for itself in the slang world, folks. it's true. allow me to illustrate. say you're visiting, i don't know, a small town in western pennsylvania and you, being a friendly person, strike up a conversation with the lady in front of you at the gas station. she asks you where you're headed and you say you're going to a big old gay wedding and just needed to refuel and grab some corn nuts for the road. she scoffs and says something like, "oh, those homos are ruining this country," to which you reply, "girl, don't be so grove city about it!" yep. grove city is not only a noun but can also be used as an adjective to describe something or someone who displays homophobic and/or racist leanings. now, i realize that urbandictionary.com is not the benchmark of sociological truths, but that slang term didn't derive from nothing, ya know what i mean?

if i sound like a metropolitan bitch right now, i really don't mean to. i have met some cool people here and have seen some amazing things happening in this community. there is a real sense of kindness in many people and it is kind of nice to be able to walk to the park with my son or to the library right across the street. and when there are only about four traffic lights in our immediate area, it makes driving anywhere a nice, smooth jazz of an experience. and still.

i asked a co-worker last week whether she'd ever live in the city. her ultimate answer was "i'd love to visit, but living in a rural area is what i know." she was very open to an experience other than the one she had lived her whole life, but, as she said, she is a "country girl." she is also one of the funniest, most bad-ass and sarcastic people i have ever met. she's still be that person living in the middle of chicago, but i also think there's a big part of her that is connected to and rooted in what it means to be a "country girl." she loves rodeos and open spaces and quiet nights and living on acres of land. she'd be the same girl inside, but all those outside connections would be gone. and i guess that's where i stand right now. i realize that geography can't minimize who i am. but it can really minimize the ways i express who i am. what it will not do, however, is minimize my ability to strap on my new wedge heels, apply some eye glitter and sashay my way through this new territory intact and with the expectation that i am here to give what i can and learn what i need to. so, hooray for purpose. and face glitter.